


I can’t be the one to hurt you

by purplefox



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Angst, Difficult Decisions, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-25
Updated: 2016-12-25
Packaged: 2018-09-11 21:48:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9035015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/purplefox/pseuds/purplefox
Summary: The Naruto that Kakashi found is a blank slate that remembers none of their lives before, none of the pain and anger. Kakashi can't be the one to turn that blank slate dark again, he can't be the one, he just can't.





	

He just couldn’t do it. Oh Kakashi knew the mission, he knew the consequences of the mission. He had repeated it to himself plenty of times. Before he went to sleep he thought of what they would lose every day just because they had not found him yet, they had not woken him yet.

The blue sky that not everyone felt safe under. With every trek out Kakashi repeated to himself about the mission. When he laced his boots he felt anticipation in his gut at the thought of having blue eyes watch him again, of hearing him say his name again.

Of seeing his smile for Kakashi again and following him into chaos. Watching him save the world. Watching his back from behind, seeing him become the saviour everyone knew he was. Having him save and love them all, all over again.

Kakashi had been so wrapped in the mission, in the duty that he had allowed himself to ignore the details. He had allowed himself to forget that things were different now, they were reborn, it was another chance but it was another world, another life and not everything followed the pattern from before.

He had been ignorant for only a while before his memories had been restored. He had remembered he was Hatake Kakashi, former Jounin, former Hokage of Konoha. He had remembered and he had found the others like him as they searched for the one to help him.

But the thing that had made Naruto the Naruto so many revered and loved… all the pain, loneliness, betrayal and it had only made him kind it had only made him try harder and smile brighter and that had been the man Kakashi had fallen for. After a life of such pain and agony, constantly fighting and struggling, there was no way that the universe would deal him such a hand again would they.

Naruto had wiped away so many debts, gone through, suffered, carried the burdens of so much. He deserved something good. A good beginning and Kakashi had blissfully forgotten that. He had stupidly ignored that with his need to find Naruto and be with him again.

He legs wobbled no longer able to hold his weight and Kakashi fell to his knees the flowers and dirt cushioning most of the sound even as he slumped his eyes fixed on one spot.

After all that pain, after everything they had gone through, there was no way the world would have thrown him into the same situation again. The hardships of a jinchuuriki that Naruto had born by himself and fought, found things important to him to cling to. Found the way he wanted to live through examples and others failures. That life that had been them fighting hard for every scrap of happiness and safety. After that, why make him do it all over again? The saviour had carried enough of a burden. He had fought hard and his reward… in another life, another chance and a better beginning.

His eyes watered as he watched the humming boy. The same age Naruto had been when he had taken on a duty bigger than half of them. There was none of the signs of hardships but Kakashi could not begrudge him that it was still Naruto, just softer, sweeter, happier.

Kakashi felt his sword on his back, a heavy weight in its sheath. He felt his weapon pouches and while before they had been weightless they felt heavy and dirty. Looking at Naruto made him feel dirty in more ways than one and it made him feel old.

How could he be expected to do it? The sun shone on Naruto. He smiled, laughed and trusted so happily. It was the Naruto he had been denied of being. No matter that he was an orphan once again, he the Naruto he had been denied of being. The happy loved child that Kushina and Minato had wanted.

Bright happy laughter from Naruto, the same laughter, happy, free and relieved. Kakashi wanted to weep when the boy came closer to him. The scent of the flowers were not strong enough to block Naruto’s natural scent and for that Kakashi was grateful. This was hard enough as it was.

He felt the flower crown settle on his head and his breath hitched as he fought not to say anything damaging. This Naruto was happy, healthy and oblivious how could he ruin that? How could he bring back the memories and the pain to him. How could he be expected to do that to him.

Kakashi’s felt tears escape him as he bowed his head in order to escape the innocence and happiness in Naruto’s gaze. He could not do it, it was duty but Kakashi cared too much, he loved too much and this was asking the impossible from him. He just could not do it.

The world needed the old Naruto, the one forged from pain and despair, the one that had risen from the anger and hatred and learned to love and forgive but this Naruto was not that Naruto. To awaken the old Naruto he would have to sacrifice the one before him, the one that deserved what happiness he could find and he had already found it. He had already gotten happiness for himself it was in his eyes and Kakashi could not take that away. Not him, he could not be the one to do it and he did not want any one to do it either.

Kind, sweet, innocent, trusting with no sign of the horrors and pain the world held inside. How could anyone expect it of him. He had always wanted what was best for Naruto. Wanted to guide him, protect him at first and when he had become a man of his own making Kakashi had wanted him by his side so he could ease the shadows and horrors from his eyes.

He could recall every word, every touch they shared and though he had been given a gift, been reborn into the world, he could not do it. This Naruto’s hands were meant for kinder things, making flower crowns and soothing, healing.

Kakashi steeled himself, his hand gently touched the flower crown on his head and marvelled at how well made it was before he moved and hugged the boy to him. He got a confused pat to the shoulder and he pressed his nose to Naruto’s neck. Memorizing the scent because he would say goodbye here, they would find another way. Naruto’s soul deserved to rest.

He just could not do it and it hurt his heart so much. He loved him so much, he missed him so much but he valued him so much more. Gods help them all.

X

“You couldn’t do it.” Shisui sighed when Kakashi was finally released from the meeting. Kakashi played over Shisui’s weary tone and looked at the younger man with better understanding.

“So you had found them.” Kakashi shook his head.  “He was so… happy.”

“They were too, just like they had been.” Shisui closed his eyes. “They were wanted but I couldn’t do that to them, they have another opportunity to be a family, a proper one this time.” His eyes dimmed, “Even if I can’t be a part of that, I just can’t be the one to bring them back to this hell.”

“His smile.” Kakashi said softly. “So bright, so free, so happy.” His voice cracked. “So trusting. He’s Naruto but he is not that Naruto and I can’t do that to him. I can’t take away the happiness, the belief he has now and bring back the pain, the loneliness and the tired resolve.” His heart clenched.

“What we can do, we’ll do by ourselves.” Shisui winced before he raised his hand to his left eye. “It is in the past but I can feel it so vividly.”

“Exactly.” Kakashi looked around the small village they had built for themselves. “They suffered so much, I would rather they have what little happiness they can continue to have than put them through that again.” He sighed softly. “I can’t take his world from him.

X

Kakashi was prepared to die. He was prepared for them to lose and he was fine with that. He could smell the flowers Naruto had given him, still feel the soft brush of his hand and it was fine. He had met him again, it was okay to lose this time, it was okay that they were not strong this time.

Naruto got what he had deserved from the very beginning and if Kakashi had to die to protect that then he was fine with it. Blood trickled over his hand where he held it pressed to his side. They were not strong enough by themselves but he could not have taken that spark from his eyes, he just could not. He would rather this fate instead.

Kakashi lay on his back, musing over his last moments when the air changed behind him. He craned his neck backward to see what it was and instead was stilled by the sight of orange. When the boy landed his mouth was dry but from the corner of his eye he saw purple and he knew, he knew who had come.

Blond hair ruffled in the wind between him and the enemy and as happy as Kakashi was to see him, he was just as surprised.

X

“You were crying.” Naruto knelt by his side, pressed a hand to his injured side, Kakashi felt the warmth flow through him as he healed. “My heart ached, then you were gone. I couldn’t get it out my head, I wanted to follow you, I needed to then I remembered.” Naruto flashed a smile. “I would be a lot more madder at you about leaving me behind if I hadn’t watched you cry.”

Kakashi licked his dry lips and avoided Naruto’s gaze. “You were happy.”

“You needed me.” That was the tone Kakashi remembered. The captain, the leader, the one with the weight on his shoulders that knew best how to handle it.

“I couldn’t take away your smile.” Kakashi whispered.

“Don’t be silly.” Naruto sighed before he kneeled so he hovered over Kakashi, their foreheads pressed together. “With you I’ll always have a reason to smile no matter how much fighting we have to do.” He pressed a quick kiss to Kakashi’s cheek. “I can do this when you are by my side Kakashi.” Naruto ducked his head to press a kiss to Kakashi’s neck. A soft kiss followed by a bit of teeth, Kakashi gasped at the heat that flashed through him even as he opened his mouth and agreed. He would have preferred Naruto happy and oblivious but with them, facing the threat he would follow him anywhere.


End file.
